I Hope This Message Finds You Well

oy vey..

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 12:30:55 GMT

made it through the night. went out with the bf and friends last night and had a few drags of his cigarette (i should point out i dont normally smoke- i like my lungs thanks very much) plus drank half a mountain dew and a full monster. so to say the least, i was buzzing with energy in my head/body last night and it took me til 3am to fall asleep. with a lot of tough thoughts. i thought i had beaten the darkness, but i guess the darkness finds ways to creep in when you don't expect it.

wanna get love tattooed somewhere. idk where though, and idk how. i want it to be cool, and i want it to mean something. i dont want it to just be there ya know?

hey now, the past is told by those who win my darling, what matters is what hasn't been. hey now, we're wide awake and we're thinking, my darling- believe your voice can mean something.

-futures, jimmy eat world.

i really like the last line- "believe your voice can mean something"

i also have this other idea, something i drew up in india. its a wordart drawing, which i did a lot of. the whole thing says "SUICIDE is not a disease. you won't catch it from being next to me. RESCUE IS POSSIBLE. END THE FEAR."

the idea stemmed from the thought that people are afraid to talk about things like depression and suicide and suicidal thoughts. but to talk about it means to get it out there, to get it off your chest, and to clear the elephant that you feel is in the room. for some of us, talking about it talks us out of it. it helps and it saves us. so talking about it is good. people are afraid to, because those who feel these things don't know how to approach the subject, and don't know who they can trust or who won't judge them. and the people who listen don't always know what to say. i don't blame them. its not an easy topic. but by talking about it, you can help someone- and sometimes, you might just save their lives.

so i want to get "end the fear" tattooed somewhere with either "twloha" or "to write love on her arms" somewhere underneath it. or something related to to write love on her arms. some people don't always know why i believe so much in them- its because TWLOHA is inspiration to find help, find hope, and to give light to the darkness. to not let the darkness win. and because i know what its like to be there. to be in that position where you feel totally helpless. rescue. hope. love. all these things are possible.

stop the bleeding. rescue is possible. love is the movement.

hope everyone is doing well.

loveyou.

xxNell

hello hello :]

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:32:34 GMT

hello my darlings!!!

i do hope everyone is well this holiday season! while i am still jetlagged, i just had a monster import and a night out with some awesome friends, so im in a particularly good mood :) :)

of course, i have a question for all of you: i have a friend who is willing to give me a tattoo (he's licensed, etc etc, so no worries)- technically he only does 18+ but he said since i just got back from india, he might be willing to do a tattoo for me. i want to do something on my hip, but im afraid it might show up later, and i'd get in trouble with my parents (cuse i said i wouldnt tattoo before i was 18, but im rebelling, as per normal haha)

so, does anyone have suggestions as to where i could get a smallish tattoo where it would be invisible to parents? also any ideas on smallish type tattoos i could get?? :)

soonish i will have a link to photos from india- theres a lot of them!!

lots of lovee

xxNell :]

home again home again

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 23:57:43 GMT

heyy everyone!

i just wanted to let you guys know that i am home from india- although it started out rough, it ended up being an amazing experience, and im so glad i stayed through the rest of the semester. im not going back for the second semester, but i am really glad i made it as far as i did :]

anyway, i wil try to keep updating here, but i also have another blog on a different website and im still recuperating, so we'll see.

in the mean time, hope all is well for everyone!!

<3

heyy

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 15:30:58 GMT

long time no update.

things here in india are...meh, i suppose. trying to keep an open mind, but its harder and harder each day.

mostly, things dont seem worth it without him. some people say its unhealthy to be that close, but he's my entire world, and without him is like...a part of me is gone, and its killing me slowly. more on this another day possibly. tomorrow maybe, when its the weekend.

i love you <3

xxxNell

im aliveee!

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 04:46:12 GMT

heyy all,

just wanted to let you guys know im alive and safe and sound in india. its wild here, and im very homesick, but hopefully things will get better. will update soon when i have more time.

much love

<3you

Nell

woah. (india)

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 12:52:52 GMT

um. holy shit. im leaving for india today. in 3 hours and ten minutes, we leave for the airport. in 5 hours and 55 minutes, i have to be at the ticket counter, in my hideous orange shirt. in 8 hours and 15 minutes, i will be on the plane to india.

holy. fucking. shit.

when did this day get here so fast? i have to go finish packing. o.O

i love you <3

~Nell

huh.

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 12:35:43 GMT

you're right. Someday came suddenly...too suddenly. and now i dont know what to do with it. or about it. and im scared. very scared. guess i have to give it a shot. its never felt right to me though. and i know its never felt right to you either.

whatever happens, i love you.
<3
~Nell

BONUS!

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 23:33:46 GMT

BONUS: BLOCK ISLAND TOMORROW WITH THE BOYFRIEND! :D

that totally just made things a whole lot better. :)

loveyouu.
<3
xxxNell

cowgirls dont cry.

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 21:49:54 GMT

ever get the feeling that what you've chosen, or where you're going, isn't right? like it was the wrong decision?

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 03:45:08 GMT

im so ridiculously fed up with my parents and so not ready for anything life is about to hand me. aka india. everything in my gut says dont go. its been saying that for a while. i think i need to listen to it. above everything else, trust yourself.

i love you, more than you can imagine.

xxx Nell.

dear friends.

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 05:05:31 GMT

i know most of us are responsible people, and dont do dumb things a lot.

but please, always be careful when you drive?

and dont drive when you're drunk. even after one drink.

it really worries me. i just pray a lot, but it worries me.

ok, thanks.

i love you!
<3
Nell

t-minus...

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 02:38:36 GMT

...9 days to India. havent started packing. not sure how i feel right now. somewhere between excited, nervous, and anxious.

apologies for the major lack of updates.

montana photos here: www.facebook.com/whos.the.best

lemme know if you guys cant see that for some reason or another...i'd post pics, but theres WAY too many. i dont have the patience right now, haha.

planning a trip to six flags tomorrrow maybe? *knock on wood* then ians party with jeff...

so yeah...short, and sweet. mucho love!

Nell

Writer's Block: The Best

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 18:06:00 GMT

What's the best thing you've seen or done this month?

View 502 Answers

Gone to Montana and seen Buffalo, Elk, Coyotes, Elk and Deer carcases, and Eagles.

:D

home!

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 18:59:54 GMT

just wanted to let you all know I'm home from Montana and had a WONDERFUL time. pictures soon, once i get them all from my brother's computer. unfortunately i never had cell service, so if anyone tried to reach me, i didn't get any messages :/

also, could i ask you guys to say a quick prayer for a friend of mine? she cut herself again..and hit an artery this time. i'm very worried about her, and she's currently back at the uhm...well, i dont want to call it a psych hospital, but the place is called Juniper Hill I think. anyway, she's in desperate need of prayers and good thoughts to get well again. thanks guys.

much love to all of you

Nell

Writer's Block: Dog Day Afternoon

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 13:25:35 GMT

The Dog Days of summer, the hottest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere, start today. What's your favorite thing to do in hot weather?

View 502 Answers

Stick my head in a bucket.

...no, seriously. :D my friends and I do it at the barn all the time. We fill up buckets, then dunk our heads in them. Its wonderful!

Or, go out to the lake and go waterskiing or jetskiing. :D

:)

ow.

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 18:21:32 GMT

dear f-list.

dont ever travel to countries where you are required to get rabies shots.

and try not to get rabies.

the shots HURT LIKE A MOTHERF***ER.

thats all :)

<3

xxxNell

sorry but...

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 04:59:29 GMT

ok, i need to vent. it may be short, but its a vent nevertheless.

i HATE people who say you can trust them, who say they wont tell anyone else what you just said, and then they turn right back around, and not ONLY do they tell people what you just said, they skew the truth as well, so you are made to look like a terrible person.

i also hate people who are drama whores, and whine and complain and make you sound like the bitchiest person ever, when they're just as much at fault as you are.

its people like that who are my reason for my recent major trust issues. i've found that of all my friends, i can really only trust the ones im closest to. almost everyone else are lying, cheating scum. and really deserve a good punch to the nuts.

ok, thats my rant for now.

ps- this has nothing to do with anyone on here, promise :) i love you all dearly, so no worries :)

Tattoo Idea!

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 04:23:59 GMT

so im thinking of getting seether's latest album, Finding Beauty In Negative Spaces, tattooed on my arm. not now, sometime in the near to slightly distant future.

but anyway, these are the three fonts im thinking of:

Finding Beauty In Negative Spaces (kunstler script)

Finding Beauty In Negative Spaces (French script mt)

Finding Beauty In Negative Spaces (Edwardian script itc)

i really hope these dont come out all the same....thoughts??

... and the ground below grew colder, as they put you down inside...

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:33:53 GMT

i cant stop listening to this song lately....

"Valentine's Day". Linkin Park.

my insides all turn to ash
so slow
and blew away as I collapsed
so cold

a black wind took them away
from sight
and now the darkness over day
that night

and the clouds above move closer
looking so dissatisfied
but the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing

I used to be my own protection
but not now
cause my path has lost direction
somehow

a black wind took you away
from sight
and now the darkness over day
that night
and the clouds above move closer
looking so dissatisfied

and the ground below grew colder
as they put you down inside
but the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing

so now you're gone
the day is wrong
I never knew
what it was like
to be alone on a Valentine's Day

on a Valentine's Day
on a Valentine's Day
on a Valentine's Day
on a Valentine's Day

(i used to be my own protection)
on a Valentine's Day
(but not now)
on a Valentine's Day
(cause my mind has lost direction)
on a Valentine's Day
(somehow)
on a Valentine's Day

(i used to be my own protection)
on a Valentine's Day
(but not now)
on a Valentine's Day
(cause my mind has lost direction)
on a Valentine's Day
(somehow)

what the hell is killing off all the celebrities lately?

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 16:55:37 GMT

www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,529328,00.html

Billy Mays died this morning? Um what? Has anyone else heard this? Or is someone pulling a really mean prank?

wfd or half of...

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 22:20:53 GMT

so, i just had half of the woodbury fire department at my house.

cool.

my mom set our kitchen (specifically our stove) on fire. it was entertaining, to say the least.

everyone's ok, but the stove didn't make it, sadly.

RIP 1950's Era Stove. You will Be Missed.

damn.

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 03:33:27 GMT

i have to be up at 7 to leave my house at 7.15 so i can get to waterbury before 8am to sit through a four hour drug and alcohol class when i cant even get my license until december. what fuckery is this? its summer. oh hell.

oh well. thats life i suppose.

<3

xxxNell.

storm of DOOOOOOOOOOOM.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 21:42:17 GMT

well, the title sort of says it all.

hooray uberviolent storms of doom! the sky is turning black, tornado warnings, and hydroplaning warnings.

my state is screweddddd. this should be interesting.

New albums!!

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 17:22:36 GMT

DUDES. FIVE BANDS COMING OUT WITH NEW ALBUMS! SO EFFING STOKED.

Get ready for this:

Killswitch Engage- comes out June 30th- 8 DAYS!!

Saosin- not sure when it's being released, but their album is done! And they're gonna be at Warped in 20 days!! :D

Paramore- Sometime in September I think? Gonna have to get someone to send that to me in India!! :D

My Chemical Romance and Linkin Park- From what I hear, both bands are at work on new albums- MCR is currently tracking their new stuff in the studio, so maybe it'll be released sometime this fall? And I think LP is anticipating an early '10 release!! Again, gonna have to get those sent to me, or maybe see if I can get them from England/ Amazon UK. AWESOME.

ok, going over to the barn. peace out dudess!

<33

xxxNell

wtff.

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 21:34:33 GMT

this is the LJ version of a re-tweet.

nabbed from ardvari :
</a></b></a>doom_cherries posted this.

The earth's rotation has changed in the last oh, 30,000 years, the astrological signs determined way back when aren't correct now.

Capricorn - Jan 20 to Feb 16
Aquarius - Feb 16 to Mar 11
Pisces - Mar 11 to Apr 18
Aries - Apr 18 to May 13
Taurus - May 13 to Jun 21
Gemini - Jun 21 to Jul 20
Cancer - Jul 20 to Aug 10
Leo - Aug 10 to Sep 16
Virgo - Sep 16 to Oct 30
Libra - Oct 30 to Nov 23
Scorpius - Nov 23 to Nov 29
Ophiuchus - Nov 29 to Dec 17
Sagittarius - Dec 17 to Jan 20

umm WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT. fuck that, i like being a Sagittarius, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

that is all.